A Big Fat Waste of Time

Neil Diamond, master salesman

Upon perusing my copy of "The Essential Neil Diamond", I have made a valuable discovery. Jewish-American pop idol Neil Diamond has, in his repertoire, a song for every occasion. Or, more specifically, a song for every product promotion. Forget Moby, the Jazz Singer is a marketer's dream. Complete with applicable lyrics. Observe:

Crunchy Granola Suite - Greenpeace
September Morn' - The new WB fall line up
Hello Again - Verizon's *69 Package
You Don't Bring Me Flowers - Craigslist
Love on the Rocks - CNN's coverage of Michael Jacksongate
Yesterday's Songs - 92.3 KROCK
Kentucky Woman - Hooter's
I Am...I Said - American Hearing Research Foundation
If you Know What I Mean- New York Language Center
Cracklin' Rosie - Taboo, the musical
Heartlight - Tums
Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon - The Simple Life/Kotex
Sweet Caroline - Tar Heel Football
Song Sung Blue - The Picasso Exhibit at the Guggenheim
Longfellow Serenade - "Never a Dull Moment", the new album by Tommy Lee

American Media Vs. World Media-In light of recent Cannibals Gone Wild

As part of an ongoing look at the state of American news coverage --and the state of that would be crap-- ABFWOT is spotlighting this week's Savage Love, in which Dan Savage discusses the slim American coverage of the Bernd Brandis-Armin Meiwes cannibalism case in Germany.

"First, the penis frying, video making, and Internet-sex-partner butchering went down in Germany, and both the man whose penis got fried and the man who fried it were Germans. While Americans made a feeble effort to take an interest in what was happening in the rest of the world after the unpleasantness of September 11, things have pretty much returned to normal around here. Basically we're back to that place where if it didn't happen to Ben and J.Lo, Ashton and Demi, or Michael and that kid with cancer, then it might as well not have happened at all."

Savage goes on to tell us what we're missing over here in the colonies, "According to the Mirror, Meiwes turned down two men who volunteered to be his victims before he killed and ate Brandes; he rejected one man for being too fat, revealing himself to be a sizist bisexual sex cannibal. The other reject "wanted me to burn his balls with a flamethrower and hammer his body down with nails and pins while he was whipped to death," Meiwes said. 'I found that a bit weird.' (You know you're a freak when you're too weird for a bi sex cannibal.)"

Finally, DS weighs in on the "okayness" of cannibalism in the new sexual millennium, "A perfectly healthy person who consents to his own sexualized murder... and eats his own tough, overcooked penis before being killed, is in need of mental help, not meat tenderizer."

The 'German Cannibals Gone Wild' Story , Village Voice

NYC Garbage for sale

One thing New York creates more of than any other American city is trash. (And I'm not just talking about you sluts who frequent The Cock.) This guy has found a way to make a buck off of it. So this Christmas, show all those folks back home who already think you live in filth that a cube of New York City trash gets more on the open market than the shiniest chatchkas from their homestye.

nycgarbage.com

A Review on the new Wes Anderson screenplay, "The Life Aquatic"

Set Photos