"A female cicada lays eggs on a tree branch. Cicadas are starting to emerge for their weeks-long frenzy of molting, mating and egg laying."
"What is most memorable is the deafening noise the males make with drumlike organs called timbals to attract more sedate females." For those of you New Yorkers who don't know from nature, imagine a Puerto Rican Day parade that goes on all summer, with wings.
Investigators now believe they have an explanation for the mysterious UFO video shot by the Mexican Air Force on March 5th of this year. Apparently, President Bush and some of his frat brothers were out joyriding in Air Force One and a few Pentagon helicopters after a night of partying on the President's ranch in the neighboring state of Texas. "We drank a bunch of Lone Stars and did a few lines. Next thing I know, G.W.'s dragging us out to the hanger, talking about zero to 1180 in 3 seconds," said one person close to the President. "Never in my wildest dreams did I think it would end up getting this much attention. But then, never in my wildest dreams did I think Mexico had an air force."
Yes. The series finale of Friends is about as timely as a guest who leaves after you've turned off the lights, gone into the next room, and fallen into a coma. On a more introspective note, I feel the ending of Friends signifies the beginning of my old age, or at the very least, the final death rattle of my youth. But because Friends is ending, I am entering my old age with joy and optimism. Because the ending of Friends forbodes a more intelligent future. I look forward to my not-yet-conceived children making fun of my generation for immortalizing such inane crap. I also look forward to liquor store hold-ups and murder mysteries involving at least two of the former cast members, if not four. Probably not beginning until 2024.
I've been caling all you Olsen twin fans who counted down till their 18th birthday, a bunch of sniveling pervs, (which you are), but it seems the young ladies are really working this creepy sex-pot twin thing on their own. Whatevs ladies, whatevs.
Is it bad luck to see the chocolate chip cookie bride before her wedding? Is ABFWOT now cursed for life? Chime in in the comments section. Everyone who comments will receive a spouse. One spouse per entry. Except in Utah.
Y'all missed a mad rager at my place this weekend. Where you at? I held the Red Bull for you like I promised. Anyway, apparently there was this other party competing with mine Saturday night down in Tribeca. My correspondent in the field reports that, to "everyone's surprise", Raising Helen blew. So they gave Kate Hudson the slip and headed over to my pad to party thug style.
Two days later, I'm still recovering. Listening to 2Pac. Thug niggas till we die, yo.
This used to list Speed Levitch's phone number, but it doesn't work anymore. Now all I have for you is an old quote from his answering machine, which is pure poetry. "I am lack of coordination being utilized. I am dysfunction gazing into the eyes of function. I am quieted, odd, menaced awkwardness dying at the altar of suave. They call me Levitch. Leave me a message."