A Big Fat Waste of Time

Can we put Janet to bed?

I'm so OVER this whole breast thing. In my previous post on this subject , some of you may have misunderstood the nature of my annoyance. I am in no way anti-breast. Or even anti-Janet, though her family does freak me out. Despite their freakiness, I still own 'Off the Wall' and have fond, albeit private, memories of 'Control'. My protest was against Justin (let's not forget he was a mousekefuckingteer) Timberlake and the shameless publicity stunt he and Ms. Jackson, (she said to call her that if I was nasty), pulled while I was trying to enjoy my hot wings. It's the same bullshit Justin's equally talentless ex-girlfriend Miss (or are divorcees Mrs.?) Britney pulled with another aging pop songstress at the Mtv awards. I'm calling bullshit on a fast growing trend: Cheap, boring, sex stunts for sales spikes. What's next? Will Dick Gephardt rip John Kerry's pants off on national television, exposing whatever jewelry he just happens to have on his turtle, for all of America to see in the hopes of creating a record breaking 18-25 year old voter turnout? I, for one, would be tempted to vote Green Party. Or at least write in Donald Duck like I did during the last New York City mayorial election.

So, to all you puritans who are suing Janet for scalding your corneas with her star spangled nipple, and you greedy corporate bastards who are trying to get a refund on the money you paid to advertise during the superbowl, shame, shame everyone knows your name. Now, can we all just move on?

They really do sell everything at Amazon.

Do a search for "Sex and the City" at Amazon.com and, in addition to every season on DVD, or the books on which the series was based, you can also buy Episode 9 's the Rabbit .

As suspected: Ashton Kutcher punks himself everyday.

Vatican, P. Diddy decline to comment.

I was born to hate her.

The jury is still out on this "Wildly Sophisticated" schmeckel that career makeover artist Nicole Williams seems to think is going to revolutionize the workplace for young women everywhere. Which is why I compared her to Martha Stewart in the first place. It seems she is now hosting a series of fashion shows at Saks to promote her new book and upcoming show that claim to be, "leading the way to redefining career development for Women." Let me see if I get this straight. Wear shoes that make your legs look hot, and one day, you might actually be able to afford them? An invitation to the event describes her writing as " Bridget Jones meets What Color is Your Parachute". I'm not sure I want to buy my parachute at Saks. Unless it comes with a Manolo Blahnik release cord. Deliver us, Lord, from the evils of a post Candace Bushnell world.

Also Funny

(Netscape Navigator recommended)

D-I-Y Blog Posting at "I, Asshole"

Speaking of perky chickens we like, "I, Asshole!" serves up blogging with a cute little 'tude:

"Hey, Jerks! Think that the fucker at this blog doesn’t update often enough? Need MORE Asshole? We at the offices of I, Asshole proudly present: 'Quit Whining, and Do-It-Yourself, Asshole™' "

What a pistol.

Martha Stewart for a new generation?

I went to a party Monday night at Park to celebrate the launch of a new book and reality show that claim to give young women, poised for career greatness, a little shove in the right direction. The book is called Wildly Sophisticated: A Bold New Attitude for Career Success , and is being published by Penguin books. There weren't actually any books at the party, so I can't vouch for it, but the book's author, Nicole Williams, is already garnering press about her controversial advice to women to use their sexuality to get ahead in the workplace. We did get to see clips from the first episode of the show, which is called, "The Big Break". It will air on the Oxygen network, hosted by Williams. The first episode features three aspiring female photographers competing (with photography) to win a mentorship session with an established female photographer in New York City. Upon hearing Ms. Williams encourage the (rather large) crowd of partygoers to "think the unthinkable--and do it" with what can only be called unbridled perkiness, I couldn't help but wonder if I was witnessing the birth of a new breed of Martha Stewart. One that's leaving the home for the workplace. (It didn't hurt that she listed Ms. Stewart as a personal influence.) I could be wrong, but I just couldn't let this opportunity pass like the time I met the producers of the, as of then, unknown "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" celebrating the sale of their new concept to Bravo with cocktails at the Eagle in Chelsea. (Yes, I set foot in the Eagle. I was the only woman for miles, and I can assure you, it won't happen again.) And all I thought then was, "Yawn. Another makeover show. And couldn't they come up with a catchier title?"

Wildly Sophisticated Website

Justin tries to pull a Britney on live tv

Sorry J--but you have to go HOMO for the real coverage. If you want to make out with Ashton, I will be the first to print tshirts, but as it stands, even the camera operators couldn't be bothered to hold on Janet Jackson flaunting her old udders. Maybe that's why I'm a little more concerned this morning about the 67 PEOPLE WHO DIED IN YET ANOTHER SUICIDE BOMBING IN IRAQ .

(P.S. This is my 100th posting on ABFWOT. I'm going to celebrate with a moonpie and some maneschewitz. Thanks for your readership.--The management)